You dreamed wonderful life. Now you got a soulmate and your journey of life looks beautiful and just began. Life is all smiles, you talk and listen, walk together, dine together, dance and rock together.
Over time – slowly smiles go way, communication becomes stale or come to standstill, do not like to see each other, hate each other spend horrible life apart. where all it started?
During the journey some hiccups come, fantasies fades away and leading to No Talk. Is it okay that way? And what it will lead to? Are you happy with these improvements? Certainly no.
Can we identify what the reasons could be
- You are super busy in your profession to take care of home, near and dear
- Mismatch in expectations on each other
- Financial worries
- Personal differences, finding faults in spouse
- disagreement on one or more topics and the relation is in strain
- Insulting spouse/partner
Most possibly all but first one looks less probable.
Every couple sometime gets in to argument and that should not lead to more than a day’s stretching.
No one is perfect in this world and 100% matching of each others choice/taste will never happen – that is ideal couple which is not even possible with gods who also differ some time somewhere as told in the epics.
If you love your wife you will not miss a day miss talking
- You will call if in different city and talk over phone
- You will meet and talk if in the same city.
- Get connected always.
We all do one or the other tasks for out living. We also have time for our most loved topics may be fun, entertainment, chatting with distant friends, music, masti or whatever.
What we mostly ignore is to share your time and caring who are near and dear. Never take a relation for granted. Relationships are to be nurtured with love and affection.
Never keep differences like a stretched hand – cool it down and normalize.
Can anyone stretch hands and keep for some time:
- It is okay for 5 minutes, still okay for 15 minutes but slowly becomes painful if held for an hour or more longer.
- Your attention is on hands only and become disturbed until you pull them back. This is how we carry our disputes, differences, complaints, feelings on others for hours/days and more, self-disturbed
- The stretched hands must restore to normal position and that’s when your attention goes of them.
Once wife spent few 100s on her liking dress – that happened when her card is not working and used husbands card. The expectation is that husband will agree to this purchase and thought of informing when at home. Husband maintaining that particular account to arrange some emi payment which will go that day. By evening got message that emi is bounced and that will attract penalty and negative score. When investigated found that wife spent few bucks which reduced the balance just by few bucks.
You can guess what all it took them to – first fight over communication gap – husband expected information before purchase wife expected that few hundred bucks won’t make any difference. In life journey few 100 bucks are nothing, penalties can be paid, money can be earned again – but when hot/harsh words are slipped the ego gets hurt for each other which is not simple to correct/remediate. Days of silence sorries and apologies – they were never like before – its all artificial living with no love and affection – no caring for each other.
Couples – must take care of these points:
- Show off: Pampering & surprises are always not possible and not practical
- Plan finances: Every home has budget, finance planning and know the facts and plan together. This is most where expectation mismatch happens.
- Share: Allocate tasks and carry out
- Keep listening to each other accommodate each other and allow private space for each other. Give a hug, say sorry when faulty and that can subside the bad feelings then and there itself.
- Clear misunderstandings, convey in soft possible way and never on harsh/hurting way.
- Patience: Never express feelings when felt bad/got hurted – wait for some time – may be partner will come down and say apologies if you are not at mistake. Most of the arguments and fights occur over misunderstandings, ego and impatience
- Discipline: Traditions and culture plays important role for living in harmony, draw set of rules and follow them religiously Discipline is important.
- Share thoughts and Pick common topic for talking. This keeps you talk more. This common topic can be politics, finance, art, music, business or anything.
- Compromise on differences
- Get closer and intimate as often as possible
Pain is remembered for long than Happiness.
We rush to heal physical pains/injuries as quickly possible.
When it comes to mind/heart – when its hurt we never work on healing it faster.
Its human nature to remember what bad someone does to you and remember for long and you plan to revert plan to take revenge – the revenge/ill thoughts keep flowing and dominate everything else.
Stretching happens when one cannot take any immediate decision or action. Mostly carry it for the right time to act, that may come or may not, but the time you ponder over it, you are losing and not the other one necessarily.
Example: your wife asked to help in cooking which you denied – Wife feels bad and see what happens next? Food is cooked but you will not be served. You feel bad and stop talking and go to restaurant and eat. Wife feels she is insulted and not pleased her she will think of what all can be denied that takes her to ill thoughts. Husband’s expectation is different and frustration starts talk is hit, gap is increased.
Example: someone derides you and you are offended. The stretching starts – if you have guts face it, resolve it then and there it self. else forget it as carrying it on head will not add any value to you but impact your health & peace. Some people spend life time to take revenge and that where they never can be happy.
You smile at everyone else but not with whom you live or work under a single roof/organization. Start day with a smile and it can change to positive life
- Start your day with smile and laugh with your wife – share jokes, recollect some funny incidents. If you have infant and kid – you have bundles of happiness and smiles to share across. Enjoy together.
Husband and wife are bound by a common goal to lead happy life – embrace some simple rules
- Smile at each other: A Smile keeps miles away and brings people together
- Talk to each other: Who talk to each other become good friends
- Eat together: Who dines together stays together,
- Walk together: Who walks together bond together and make good partners
- Who laugh together feel coziness
- Play & Dance together: Who plays and dance together keeps fit for life.
When two individuals live under a roof whatever be the relation
- It could be husband and wife, parents and children, siblings, co students in hostel, co passengers in any transport, co-player in a game, co-employer and event co-resident
They are bound by a common goals and objectives
- Communication, responsibility, sharing and caring, security, respect for others feelings, equal treatment
- Parents should take care of their children and make them feel love and warmth.
- Children must greet, meet parents and share their day’s activity whatever be it good or bad good and bad. Parents reciprocate children’s expectations and make them feel secure and comfortable.
These are basis for successful partnership
We come to this world and make partnerships first with mother as child and the remaining are formed out of our choice mostly and by force sometimes.
One must be generous in wishing and greeting like – Good morning / Good day / Good night / wish you good luck, how are you. That gets one connected and increases bonding.